13...14...15

Braces is NOT a fun go.
Extremely long and confusing story short, I am more or less an irregular case because I'm doing it after having a full time bite plate.
That bite plate realigned my jaw to sit correctly, which leaves me with literally ZERO bite (no contact at all between my top and bottom teeth except for 2 teeth on the back left side) and those 2 teeth hurt like HELL when they touch...
Oh here is what my teeth closed together looks like to give you a better mental image of what I'm talking about:
what my "bite" looks like
Pretty scary huh?
I had gone with the bite plate so long that I was so used to eating with it and I didn't realize how much of a problem this was going to be for me once my braces went on.
My teeth all hurt to touch and I've been living on yogurt,boosts,and thin soups.
The braces are prepping me for surgery in the summer to FIX my natural jaw alignment so my teeth my contact again. So I have a feeling I'll be living with this abnormality for quite a few months :(


Though its radical self love month, today was a day of radical self hate...it hurt so bad but it happened...I had gone a whole 14 days almost without getting THIS down on myself.
I'm just scared...confused...frustrated (more or less over this whole "my jaw/teeth sit frighteningly scary and my teeth ache" scenario) and I'm taking it out on myself, and even others. Depression gets the better of me, it kicks me while I'm already down.

I have to focus...realize what other people think doesn't have to matter, and that I don't have to relate or have tons in common with everyone I associate with....its a lonely feeling though sometimes, I can't help but feel out of place with tastes and such and it sucks sometimes, but I guess I can look at it as being unique and just keep all this good stuff to myself...or something along that line. <3
Focus on my big goals, and mini goals.

I need to get back to my analytical self and start making crazy schedules for EVERYTHING to get myself more organized and inclined to get more shit done. For someone that is usually very organized, it hurts how unorganized my life is lately....and I've already mentioned before that organization is a good step towards better self loving, but I'll try to organize a bit and then after a couple days the clutter (mind and physical) starts building up again. So its a hard battle at the moment, but I feel I will get there! I just have to step it up!
Its just really hard, especially at the moment, battling against annoying physical hardships and the chemical imbalances in my brain.

This will get easier... I just have to keep telling myself that. EVERYTHING is going to get easier....maybe not soonish but fucking some day, right? lets hope so!

<3